IT GETS BETTER ........

IT GETS BETTER ........
From someone whose been there...
And in all Aspects of Life it gets Better.......:-)

?

What to do? What to do?

I'm so confused right now. A person from the past is back.....

And I don't know if i wanna let him in again. It had not been exactly smooth sailing when we were together. God please help me , On the one hand I'm pleasantly surprised that this person is back but on the other I'm afraid its gonna be another roller coaster ride...

I don't wanna feel all the shitty emotions I felt before, The disappointments and the endless anxiety over that person. But I don't wanna lie to myself that I don't want this person anymore because secretly up to now I'm pining my hopes on him...ARRRRGH

Maybe he's changed , maybe it will be different this time, But at the back of my head I'm still thinking its gonna be the same old story, a vicious cycle that in the end I always loose....

I've always said that when he comes back I will walk away just like in the song 'Walk Away renee" ,but something deep inside of me is singing that freakin Celine Dion/Patti La belle song 'If You Asked Me to" .

This is so f cking hard I just hope I be enlightened on what to do.....

CROSSROADS

No I'm not talking about setting up a Faustian deal with the Devil, Definitely I'm not gonna be killing a rabbit and cut its foot or kill a black cat and put its bones in a box with my name on it then bury it in the middle of a crossroad and trade my soul for a a blissful life for ten years then off I go with the hounds from hell as my welcoming committee to be burned in hell for eternity.....

Scary kaya yun LOL

But anyways at this point in my life I wouldn't deny that I'm not tempted hehehe

I guess when one comes to a point in ones life wherein a person starts questioning ones purpose and having dissatisfaction emptiness & job burn out one cant help be creative and neurotic at the same time on what to do next. In hindsight it had not been that bad, Some major highs and some not so low moments but its OK all in all. I would even consider meself lucky in a way cause other people had it so bad. I'm not exactly dirt poor or sick maybe with a debilitating disease but I just cant help myself to be pathetic and miserable about it. Could be mid life crisis but for cryin out loud I'm not exactly that old. Currently I guess it stems from the fact that I had been doing the same thing for oh so many years now and one just gets soooo tired of doing routine. Looking in I do have had lots of regrets , I should have done this , I shouldn't have done that etc. But no matter I have always said that things in the past should just be left there. In the past.

Unfortunately with my current state I just cant fucking help it. I know that I'm being overly dramatic about it but Hey its just me the ever eternal Drama Queen.

I'm now faced with the task on what endeavor to undertake to turn my otherwise humdrum existence around And make it a little more exciting and be more worth livable.Still lost though but I guess there will always be light at the end of the tunnel. If I can only get my flashlight running then I'll see that freaking light......